If you're leaving - Please take your memories with you

Good day ladies n gents!

I hope everyone's weekend was in order and you all did everything you set out to do.
Today is a good day to be alive =)

So, most recently I went through a break-up (so to speak). Now mind you, this relationship was very brief - but in these few moments there was an intensity that matched the burning heat of five suns. Am I being overly dramatic? NO! I am DEAD serious. It was a connection like no other. A bond like something I've never experienced. Brief but intense and everyone around us felt it. Even strangers (inner smile). K, nuff of that. I want to believe that I "recovered" fairly well from the incident. I didn't burn none of his shit - I think I deserve some credit for that, don't I? lol

Anyhoo....

So last night, I get home. I eat some dinner and out of nowhere - BOOM! A memory. Shit! Fuck! Crap! DAGGONIT! Muthasucka!!!! HOLY HELL WHY??!! Smh. Just when I think I'm safe - a memory of a pleasant moment creeps up in the back of my spine and makes its presence known in my eyes smh. That got me to thinking and really self-examining.

What do we REALLY miss from a previous relationship?
The companionship?
The sense of security?
Sharing?
Sex?
The KNOWING that you always have someone to hang out with? Call? Chill with?
An automatic date?

Then it hit me.

I miss the moments that never happened.
The moments I made real in my head.
The memories that never came to life.
The promises that were made.
The future I made for us .... in my own head.

I miss what I did not get.


...I'm going to give you a moment to re-read and take that in - because I def needed one.

I miss the moments that never happened.
The moments I made real in my head.
The memories that never came to life.
The promises that were made.
The future I made for us .... in my own head.

I MISS WHAT I DID NOT GET.


OK, now let's talk this out. Once again, I am not going to speak for everyone - simply for myself, but from what I have gathered (from family and friends) it appears I might be on to something. See for yourself.

As a woman, the dream is always the husband, the kids, the house, the dog and the white picket fence. Perfect. The mistake that we, as women, make at times is that we allow this dream to manifest with EVERYONE we come encounter with (dating wise). Forgetting that not everyone is worthy of our love, time, affection and most CERTAINLY our forever. We place them all in the "husband" category. We become blind to their faults. Forgive their mishaps. Tolerate the intolerable all in hopes of one day being a "Mrs". I don't blame you at all ladies. Since BIRTH it has been instilled in our heads that prince charming will come rescue us and we will live happily ever after. Barbies, Disney movies, baby dolls, playing house, even Minnie had her Mickey! - all giving us the illusion that THIS is what we should aim for. Now, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that - however, Disney forgot to mention the few toads you had to go through in order to get your prince charming. The tears you had to shed in order to smile. The heartache that would come before your happily ever after and the hard work that it takes to MAINTAIN this happily ever after. As an adult, I realize just how much this has taken a toll on me. Anyhoo, I digress. Back to the matter at hand....

When we enter into a relationship we see "Forever". We see kids, house, holidays and vacations. We see ups, downs, good times and bad times. The only constant always being HIM. You make up these scenarios in your head. You daydream about them, constantly. They give you comfort. You look forward to the future. You are eager to continue this journey with him because you have already made the end result IN YOUR HEAD. You have already laid out your perfect fairy tale life with him. This is what you want. This is what you are going to work towards. This is what you are going to build with him. This is what brings you random smiles on the train and pleasant dreams at night. And if he is on the same page as you, as in my case, he will confirm these dreams for you. He will talk about the future and how he looks forward to it. He talks about kids - and this only makes you dream BIGGER! At least it made ME dream bigger. Now I see, the bigger the dream the harder the crash. Now, I don't want to sound like I was delusional. No, not at all and neither are the rest of my ladies. You just have to realize that this is something that is INSTILLED in us. Gender roles are automatic in our society. The girls are usually given baby dolls and play kitchens, the boys are usually handed fire trucks and tools. Sisters are trained to cook and clean up after their brothers. Serve their fathers and wash the family laundry. This is what we were wired to desire! Think about it! But again, I digress. I was not delusional, my dreams were confirmed by him and everyone within looking distance of us. But fate sometimes has a funny way of telling you "Not now" & "Slow the hell down". I painfully accepted that.

So you see - Do I miss him? Yes. Do I miss the company? The smiles? The laughs? Yes. Of course I do.
But in the end I realized that I missed what we were building towards. I miss the future that never had the chance to happen. I miss the promises he made. I want to make good on the promises I made to him.

I guess my final lesson is - live in the moment. Tomorrow will either come or it wont and for that reason you simply have to enjoy what you have in front of you NOW. You only have BUT SO MUCH control over your own destiny but ABSOLUTELY NONE over someone else's. Their decisions are their own and you have to be prepared for that. Live in the now. Enjoy the now. The future will always be there - no need to stress it today. Accept that not everyone is deserving of your all. If you share your love with all those that come around - what could you possible have to share with the one who WILL spend the rest of his/her life with you. At the end of the day - It is what it is and its going to be what its going to be.

I'm going to TRY and practice what I preach. I realize that I will be going against a lifetime of subliminal direction - but for my own happiness, I will attempt it and I hope you will too.

If you are going to leave me - please take your memories with you.



Be Blessed & Be a Blessing
-Roxii