Hello my lovelies!!
I am hoping you are all doing well and great - lacking nothing under the sun.
Last night, I went to go see Think Like A Man - by myself - and I had a GREAT time. I deeply enjoyed the movie. I am in no way, shape or form about to do a movie review - but it does tie into what thoughts/feelings/actions I've had for this past week - and that is what I am going to share with you guys.
Sunday morning, I woke up - gave thanks to The Most High and said "I'm done". I let him go. Something I never thought would come so easily. Something I have attempted to do MANY times before, and failed miserably. He's had this hold on me - had a way of making me believe he was the best I could ever have, and I allowed myself to believe that. This is why even though he was committed to another, I allowed myself to believe that he actually loved ME, and this is why I stuck around - waiting. Ladies, if he loves you - he will be with you. SIMPLE. Don't get me wrong, I know he cares for me deeply, but it was just not enough and while I sit and wait for him to make a decision - life does not sit and wait with me. It was passing me by. I was losing precious hours, minutes and months of my life waiting for him to "Make a final decision". What I was failing to realize was that ultimately the final decision was MINE to make. Time does not sit still - it keeps on going. It doesn't matter what you are going through - the world will keep on spinning. The ocean will continue to meet with the sand and the sun will continue to rise and set as it was taught to do. Sooooooo..... why am I sitting around waiting for you again???? Hmmm.
There comes a point in time when you realize... I deserve more. I know what I am capable of in a relationship - I know that I bring more to the table than I take from it. I know I am a good woman and will be an even better wife and mother. I know this. There is no doubt in my mind. I know right from wrong. So again, what am I waiting for? I had to sit back and really examine this. I had to get REALLY honest with myself and not only figure out but then EXPLAIN to MYSELF why was I sticking around waiting for someone that had no hope in me. Then... it came to me in a roar of honesty.
Im a fucking idiot.
Excuse my language but it was the best I could come up with. Allow me to explain:
As an afrolatina woman in a professional world, you realize the lack of "melanin" that surrounds you and the ones that do surround you tend to fall into one of the following categories: a) Gay b) Married c) 16 kids and 23 baby mommas d) Player e) momma's boy f) broke g) I could go on lol
Point being... They are unavailable whether it be physically or emotionally, they are unavailable. So when we do find someone suitable. Someone you do not mind spending your time with, someone who meets those "standards" (I hate that word btw but thats another blog for another day) someone who knows that they are a hot commodity and can put words together well enough to sweep you off your feet, we tend to hold on. TIGHT. Tight enough that we lose sight of the fact that HE DONT WANT ME! Then we sit and we wonder WHY does he continue to entertain me if he doesn't want me?!! Why doesnt he just stay with his girlfriend? Why does he keep calling? Why? Why? Why? Well, think about it - if someone were giving you the world, would you not stick around as well?!? You're receiving a three course gourmet meal and only had to put out a dollar menu budget. Shit... I would hold on too!
You become satisfied with what little they offer you - forgetting that there is an entire world out there and that you ARE worthy of it and that it is yours for the taking.
I had to slap myself with reality and realize this. I had to reach a very low point and cry many a tears before I realized - if he loved me like he says he does, he would be with me. If he cares for me like he says he does, these tears would be happy tears. If my happiness is as important to him as he claims it to be, he would have let me go a long time ago.
Sometimes letting someone go does not mean you no longer want them. It sometimes means you love them enough to know that you cannot offer them what they are looking for and instead giving them the opportunity to find greatness elsewhere.
It took me a while but I got there.
I realized that he may love me but it is a selfish type of love. His love was one sided. He did not care about my happiness or my well being - he simply wanted me to be there for him when he called and that my readers is NOT love, and it is most certainly not a love that I need/want in my life. Im too old for the bullshit. Give me all or give me nothing. Period. I dont have the time to sit and wait for you to make a decision, because while you're sitting there twiddling your thumbs trying to put together 1 + 1 another has already decided that I am all he wants and will put forth the effort to prove that to me.
Thank you Think Like A Man... You just made me realize that I am NOT crazy and I stand by my decision. I let him go because there was too much "him" and not enough "me". Because I know that I am woman enough to share a man but smart enough to know that I dont have to.
Be Blessed & Be a Blessing
-Roxii
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
If you're leaving - Please take your memories with you
Good day ladies n gents!
I hope everyone's weekend was in order and you all did everything you set out to do.
Today is a good day to be alive =)
So, most recently I went through a break-up (so to speak). Now mind you, this relationship was very brief - but in these few moments there was an intensity that matched the burning heat of five suns. Am I being overly dramatic? NO! I am DEAD serious. It was a connection like no other. A bond like something I've never experienced. Brief but intense and everyone around us felt it. Even strangers (inner smile). K, nuff of that. I want to believe that I "recovered" fairly well from the incident. I didn't burn none of his shit - I think I deserve some credit for that, don't I? lol
Anyhoo....
So last night, I get home. I eat some dinner and out of nowhere - BOOM! A memory. Shit! Fuck! Crap! DAGGONIT! Muthasucka!!!! HOLY HELL WHY??!! Smh. Just when I think I'm safe - a memory of a pleasant moment creeps up in the back of my spine and makes its presence known in my eyes smh. That got me to thinking and really self-examining.
What do we REALLY miss from a previous relationship?
The companionship?
The sense of security?
Sharing?
Sex?
The KNOWING that you always have someone to hang out with? Call? Chill with?
An automatic date?
Then it hit me.
I miss the moments that never happened.
The moments I made real in my head.
The memories that never came to life.
The promises that were made.
The future I made for us .... in my own head.
I miss what I did not get.
...I'm going to give you a moment to re-read and take that in - because I def needed one.
I miss the moments that never happened.
The moments I made real in my head.
The memories that never came to life.
The promises that were made.
The future I made for us .... in my own head.
I MISS WHAT I DID NOT GET.
OK, now let's talk this out. Once again, I am not going to speak for everyone - simply for myself, but from what I have gathered (from family and friends) it appears I might be on to something. See for yourself.
As a woman, the dream is always the husband, the kids, the house, the dog and the white picket fence. Perfect. The mistake that we, as women, make at times is that we allow this dream to manifest with EVERYONE we come encounter with (dating wise). Forgetting that not everyone is worthy of our love, time, affection and most CERTAINLY our forever. We place them all in the "husband" category. We become blind to their faults. Forgive their mishaps. Tolerate the intolerable all in hopes of one day being a "Mrs". I don't blame you at all ladies. Since BIRTH it has been instilled in our heads that prince charming will come rescue us and we will live happily ever after. Barbies, Disney movies, baby dolls, playing house, even Minnie had her Mickey! - all giving us the illusion that THIS is what we should aim for. Now, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that - however, Disney forgot to mention the few toads you had to go through in order to get your prince charming. The tears you had to shed in order to smile. The heartache that would come before your happily ever after and the hard work that it takes to MAINTAIN this happily ever after. As an adult, I realize just how much this has taken a toll on me. Anyhoo, I digress. Back to the matter at hand....
When we enter into a relationship we see "Forever". We see kids, house, holidays and vacations. We see ups, downs, good times and bad times. The only constant always being HIM. You make up these scenarios in your head. You daydream about them, constantly. They give you comfort. You look forward to the future. You are eager to continue this journey with him because you have already made the end result IN YOUR HEAD. You have already laid out your perfect fairy tale life with him. This is what you want. This is what you are going to work towards. This is what you are going to build with him. This is what brings you random smiles on the train and pleasant dreams at night. And if he is on the same page as you, as in my case, he will confirm these dreams for you. He will talk about the future and how he looks forward to it. He talks about kids - and this only makes you dream BIGGER! At least it made ME dream bigger. Now I see, the bigger the dream the harder the crash. Now, I don't want to sound like I was delusional. No, not at all and neither are the rest of my ladies. You just have to realize that this is something that is INSTILLED in us. Gender roles are automatic in our society. The girls are usually given baby dolls and play kitchens, the boys are usually handed fire trucks and tools. Sisters are trained to cook and clean up after their brothers. Serve their fathers and wash the family laundry. This is what we were wired to desire! Think about it! But again, I digress. I was not delusional, my dreams were confirmed by him and everyone within looking distance of us. But fate sometimes has a funny way of telling you "Not now" & "Slow the hell down". I painfully accepted that.
So you see - Do I miss him? Yes. Do I miss the company? The smiles? The laughs? Yes. Of course I do.
But in the end I realized that I missed what we were building towards. I miss the future that never had the chance to happen. I miss the promises he made. I want to make good on the promises I made to him.
I guess my final lesson is - live in the moment. Tomorrow will either come or it wont and for that reason you simply have to enjoy what you have in front of you NOW. You only have BUT SO MUCH control over your own destiny but ABSOLUTELY NONE over someone else's. Their decisions are their own and you have to be prepared for that. Live in the now. Enjoy the now. The future will always be there - no need to stress it today. Accept that not everyone is deserving of your all. If you share your love with all those that come around - what could you possible have to share with the one who WILL spend the rest of his/her life with you. At the end of the day - It is what it is and its going to be what its going to be.
I'm going to TRY and practice what I preach. I realize that I will be going against a lifetime of subliminal direction - but for my own happiness, I will attempt it and I hope you will too.
If you are going to leave me - please take your memories with you.
Be Blessed & Be a Blessing
-Roxii
I hope everyone's weekend was in order and you all did everything you set out to do.
Today is a good day to be alive =)
So, most recently I went through a break-up (so to speak). Now mind you, this relationship was very brief - but in these few moments there was an intensity that matched the burning heat of five suns. Am I being overly dramatic? NO! I am DEAD serious. It was a connection like no other. A bond like something I've never experienced. Brief but intense and everyone around us felt it. Even strangers (inner smile). K, nuff of that. I want to believe that I "recovered" fairly well from the incident. I didn't burn none of his shit - I think I deserve some credit for that, don't I? lol
Anyhoo....
So last night, I get home. I eat some dinner and out of nowhere - BOOM! A memory. Shit! Fuck! Crap! DAGGONIT! Muthasucka!!!! HOLY HELL WHY??!! Smh. Just when I think I'm safe - a memory of a pleasant moment creeps up in the back of my spine and makes its presence known in my eyes smh. That got me to thinking and really self-examining.
What do we REALLY miss from a previous relationship?
The companionship?
The sense of security?
Sharing?
Sex?
The KNOWING that you always have someone to hang out with? Call? Chill with?
An automatic date?
Then it hit me.
I miss the moments that never happened.
The moments I made real in my head.
The memories that never came to life.
The promises that were made.
The future I made for us .... in my own head.
I miss what I did not get.
...I'm going to give you a moment to re-read and take that in - because I def needed one.
I miss the moments that never happened.
The moments I made real in my head.
The memories that never came to life.
The promises that were made.
The future I made for us .... in my own head.
I MISS WHAT I DID NOT GET.
OK, now let's talk this out. Once again, I am not going to speak for everyone - simply for myself, but from what I have gathered (from family and friends) it appears I might be on to something. See for yourself.
As a woman, the dream is always the husband, the kids, the house, the dog and the white picket fence. Perfect. The mistake that we, as women, make at times is that we allow this dream to manifest with EVERYONE we come encounter with (dating wise). Forgetting that not everyone is worthy of our love, time, affection and most CERTAINLY our forever. We place them all in the "husband" category. We become blind to their faults. Forgive their mishaps. Tolerate the intolerable all in hopes of one day being a "Mrs". I don't blame you at all ladies. Since BIRTH it has been instilled in our heads that prince charming will come rescue us and we will live happily ever after. Barbies, Disney movies, baby dolls, playing house, even Minnie had her Mickey! - all giving us the illusion that THIS is what we should aim for. Now, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that - however, Disney forgot to mention the few toads you had to go through in order to get your prince charming. The tears you had to shed in order to smile. The heartache that would come before your happily ever after and the hard work that it takes to MAINTAIN this happily ever after. As an adult, I realize just how much this has taken a toll on me. Anyhoo, I digress. Back to the matter at hand....
When we enter into a relationship we see "Forever". We see kids, house, holidays and vacations. We see ups, downs, good times and bad times. The only constant always being HIM. You make up these scenarios in your head. You daydream about them, constantly. They give you comfort. You look forward to the future. You are eager to continue this journey with him because you have already made the end result IN YOUR HEAD. You have already laid out your perfect fairy tale life with him. This is what you want. This is what you are going to work towards. This is what you are going to build with him. This is what brings you random smiles on the train and pleasant dreams at night. And if he is on the same page as you, as in my case, he will confirm these dreams for you. He will talk about the future and how he looks forward to it. He talks about kids - and this only makes you dream BIGGER! At least it made ME dream bigger. Now I see, the bigger the dream the harder the crash. Now, I don't want to sound like I was delusional. No, not at all and neither are the rest of my ladies. You just have to realize that this is something that is INSTILLED in us. Gender roles are automatic in our society. The girls are usually given baby dolls and play kitchens, the boys are usually handed fire trucks and tools. Sisters are trained to cook and clean up after their brothers. Serve their fathers and wash the family laundry. This is what we were wired to desire! Think about it! But again, I digress. I was not delusional, my dreams were confirmed by him and everyone within looking distance of us. But fate sometimes has a funny way of telling you "Not now" & "Slow the hell down". I painfully accepted that.
So you see - Do I miss him? Yes. Do I miss the company? The smiles? The laughs? Yes. Of course I do.
But in the end I realized that I missed what we were building towards. I miss the future that never had the chance to happen. I miss the promises he made. I want to make good on the promises I made to him.
I guess my final lesson is - live in the moment. Tomorrow will either come or it wont and for that reason you simply have to enjoy what you have in front of you NOW. You only have BUT SO MUCH control over your own destiny but ABSOLUTELY NONE over someone else's. Their decisions are their own and you have to be prepared for that. Live in the now. Enjoy the now. The future will always be there - no need to stress it today. Accept that not everyone is deserving of your all. If you share your love with all those that come around - what could you possible have to share with the one who WILL spend the rest of his/her life with you. At the end of the day - It is what it is and its going to be what its going to be.
I'm going to TRY and practice what I preach. I realize that I will be going against a lifetime of subliminal direction - but for my own happiness, I will attempt it and I hope you will too.
If you are going to leave me - please take your memories with you.
Be Blessed & Be a Blessing
-Roxii
Friday, November 18, 2011
Popeye said it BEST
"I y'am what I y'am"
I can be a bit obsessive. A bit disorderly. I can be a bit neurotic. A bit clingy. I tend to daydream. A LOT. I can be a bit stubborn. Have one too many beers. I tend to roll my eyes at the most inconsequential of things when I think no one is near. I talk in my sleep. I tend to allow myself to become a prisoner of my own thoughts. I sometimes overanalyze things and it usually bites me in the ass. I love strong. I love hard. I give my all - even the shirt off my back. If I have it - it is yours. I roll up my sleeves and get knee deep in shit. I dont mind. Not one bit. I like to work with my hands. I love putting the pieces of the puzzle together. I think it. I say it. I usually do not give my brain enough time to process the words that escape my lips. I kinda like it that way. I wear my emotions on my face. I dangle my heart on a string. I still wish on shooting stars. I forgive too quickly. I move on too slow. I fall too fast. I travel to clear my mind. I connect in the ocean. I feel whole when I write. I cry at movies. I have a fat girl living inside of me - and I give her all that she pleases. I hate attention. I'm sometimes too plain. I rock the hell outta some heels but I would prefer my sweats. I always make happy endings in my head. I bake. I dont cook. I read. I write. I challenge the norm. I ask WHY? I will defend my family to any extent. I make time for those I love. I'm a Capricorn and everything you know about us is true ;-) I strive to be like my mother. I am my mothers daughter. I am my sisters keeper. I let loose on the dance floor. I find answers at the bottom of the bottle. The simpler The better. Its about the little things. Pick me a flower or take a stroll with me in the park. I believe in good. I believe in evil. There is so much more to me than meets the eye..... Take a moment and listen to the song I sing - my tunes are carried in the wind. Dance.
Like I said... Popeye Said it Best.....
"I Y'am what I Y'am"
Lay your cards on the table. Write it out. Let YOURSELF know who you truly are. Be comfortable with it. Love it. Embrace it. Change it but ONLY IF YOU want. You alone decide the dynamics of you.
Love you FIRST with no apologies.
*shrugs*
Be Blessed & Be a Blessing
-Roxii
I can be a bit obsessive. A bit disorderly. I can be a bit neurotic. A bit clingy. I tend to daydream. A LOT. I can be a bit stubborn. Have one too many beers. I tend to roll my eyes at the most inconsequential of things when I think no one is near. I talk in my sleep. I tend to allow myself to become a prisoner of my own thoughts. I sometimes overanalyze things and it usually bites me in the ass. I love strong. I love hard. I give my all - even the shirt off my back. If I have it - it is yours. I roll up my sleeves and get knee deep in shit. I dont mind. Not one bit. I like to work with my hands. I love putting the pieces of the puzzle together. I think it. I say it. I usually do not give my brain enough time to process the words that escape my lips. I kinda like it that way. I wear my emotions on my face. I dangle my heart on a string. I still wish on shooting stars. I forgive too quickly. I move on too slow. I fall too fast. I travel to clear my mind. I connect in the ocean. I feel whole when I write. I cry at movies. I have a fat girl living inside of me - and I give her all that she pleases. I hate attention. I'm sometimes too plain. I rock the hell outta some heels but I would prefer my sweats. I always make happy endings in my head. I bake. I dont cook. I read. I write. I challenge the norm. I ask WHY? I will defend my family to any extent. I make time for those I love. I'm a Capricorn and everything you know about us is true ;-) I strive to be like my mother. I am my mothers daughter. I am my sisters keeper. I let loose on the dance floor. I find answers at the bottom of the bottle. The simpler The better. Its about the little things. Pick me a flower or take a stroll with me in the park. I believe in good. I believe in evil. There is so much more to me than meets the eye..... Take a moment and listen to the song I sing - my tunes are carried in the wind. Dance.
Like I said... Popeye Said it Best.....
"I Y'am what I Y'am"
Lay your cards on the table. Write it out. Let YOURSELF know who you truly are. Be comfortable with it. Love it. Embrace it. Change it but ONLY IF YOU want. You alone decide the dynamics of you.
Love you FIRST with no apologies.
*shrugs*
Be Blessed & Be a Blessing
-Roxii
Friday, November 4, 2011
The Independent Woman
Hello lovelies!!!
Might I begin by asking you to please refer to http://thabullpen.blogspot.com/2011/10/club-dj-lifestyle-independent-woman.html
Read it?
Got it?
Get it?
Good.
Now let's play devil's advocate.....
First and foremost - allow me to begin by stating that I agree 100% with Mr. Eno Bull. After a brief conversation with him I stated that I agree with where he is coming from and can understand how he came to his conclusion but that as a woman, I also see the other side of the story. His response "I need to read that"! - Well, here it goes.
As E.Bull stated, I cannot speak for ALL women - we were all created different, have endured different trials and respond to situations very differently. However, I do believe that I can speak for a portion of us.
NO woman WANTS to do it all alone and if you tell me otherwise, I will call the bullshit card on you. I don't care who you are - where you're from - how you've been raise or how much money you make ... You do not want to do it all alone. It is not the way we were designed. It is not how we were wired. Woman was created from the rib of man. Naturally, we would seek eachother's companionship (We can get into same sex situations at a later blog). I am going to take the same music route as Eno -- Destiny's Child Bills, Bills, Bills. First and foremost, this song is not ASKING a man to pay the bills... It is stating that if you (as a man) are going to be sitting around on the couch all day, driving my car and running up my phone bill then you need to be putting up some cash in exchange for the use of these things. She is NOT willing to maintain no one. She aint yo momma! This is a partnership hunnie. Give and take. HOWEVER, I do realize that the majority of the world did not receive the message and therefore took it to mean that she is asking a man to pay her bills. Ok. I get it. Let's just go with that. Then we move on to Independent Woman. Where we are now proclaiming independence and stating how we can do bad by our damn selves. You are NOT needed. Here is my theory:
Simple and sweet... We dont not like people throwing shit in our face.
I'll give you a moment to digest that.....
Men (some, not all) are real quick to snap off at the tongue about how much they do for us. "Well, I put this roof over your head. I bought you those shoes. I put food on the table. I bring home the bacon" Blah Blah Blah Bullshit Bullshit Bullshit. Even worst, these things sometimes came with a pricetag - "Well, I pay the rent here which means you gotta XYZ. WHEN I SAY SO" Telling your friends "I gotta do EVERYTHING for this bitch"! It came to a point where women were being second class citizens in thier own homes at the hands of thier men. You can only push a woman BUT so far before she starts pushing back. Proclaiming independence was the woman's way of "Pushing Back". If your sole purpose on this earth is to remind me of how much you do for me, allow me to show you the door and watch me work! I do not need a constant cloud hanging over my head, reminding me that everything I own is at the strength of YOUR blood, sweat and tears because darling, allow me to remind you that the house is clean because of me. Your dinner is made because of me. The clean clothes you are wearing? Me. I was the one who reminded you to call your mother today. Its her birthday. I plan the family trips. I make time for the things you dont have time for. I keep this family together. I keep you ontop of your doctor's appointments. I make the parent/teacher conferences. I get up every morning - just like you and make this household work and run like a muthaeffin business! I stretch every penny you give me to provide for this house. This house is never lacking and it is because I made it my duty, as a woman, to be sure of that. Your children are never hungry and your bed is never cold. But this goes unoticed - and all YOU can focus on is the dollar sign.
A woman's biggest motivator is "You can't". Tell me I can't and I'll show you I can. "You can't do anything without me". Oh really hunnie? That's how you feel?
BAM! Back in school
BAM! Bachelor's Degree
BAM! Apartment, Car, Fly bags, Hot shoes
Vacations
VIP
ALL courtesy of ME
After we set out to prove that we CAN do this thing called life on our own. We like it. You don't. All of a sudden we stuck up. We don't know how to act. We high saddity. We too damn independent. We wanna throw it in your face. We can never win with you guys!
If we sit at home birthing babies - we are bum birds with no future and at MOST a jump off
If we out there tryin to make it - We stuck up. Man haters. Fronters.
Really dude? Like seriously, get your life together.
Like I started out saying - We WANT someone to share with. We WANT companionship. Hell, we WANT someone to split the bills with! But just like you, I'm not willing to provide the food AND the table we eat it off of. This is a partnership. We are building TOGETHER here. Forgive me if I am not willing to settle for less than I deserve.
Now let's move on to the club scene. This too will be short and sweet.
Fellas. I love ya. I really do. But here's the thing - and PLEASE take heed to this --> If a woman is feelin you.. She will stick around even if you do NOT buy her a drink! (ladies, Im sorry FORGIVE ME! lol). So please cut the sob story "Ohhh she played me! She had me buy her mad drinks n dipped" Yup, that's exactly what happened. You got played booboo and I can't be mad at her lol. You allowed it!
If she ASKS you to buy her a drink - RUN! She's a bird.
When my girls n me hit the club - we pop bottles. We buy our own damn drinks. SHITT we send drinks over to any dude we find sexy! (hahahah great times with the BFF lol) We walk out the door with debit cards, credit cards, lip gloss n cash! Pow!
But seriously - if she's intersted in you, she'll stick around even if you don't immediately offer to buy her a drink (This does NOT mean that you should not buy her a drink. But feel her out first. Is she feelin you? Has she ditched an invite from her friends to stick with you? Eye contact? C'mon baby! You know these things! - Quit getting mesmerized by the short dress n high heels and use common sense! Bcuz tomm morning she do NOT look like that. Trust) But if you feelin her and she feelin you - prove to her that chivalry is not dead. Buy her a drink. Find her a seat. Compliment her shoes. Open doors and offer napkins.
Also, it doesn't hurt to know how to 1, 2 step... Don't make me do all the work. If I whine pon you make sure u whine pon me too! hahahaha follow my rhythm. Make it about the dance NOT about the body.
I think I might be done here.
Till next time folks.
Be Blessed& Be a Blessing
-Roxii
Sidenote: I am NOT putting all men and all women into ONE category. Obviously there will be people who fit the bill and people who dont. I am simply going by observation. If at any moment you took offense - I would examine that. PeaceLove&Blessings folks.
Might I begin by asking you to please refer to http://thabullpen.blogspot.com/2011/10/club-dj-lifestyle-independent-woman.html
Read it?
Got it?
Get it?
Good.
Now let's play devil's advocate.....
First and foremost - allow me to begin by stating that I agree 100% with Mr. Eno Bull. After a brief conversation with him I stated that I agree with where he is coming from and can understand how he came to his conclusion but that as a woman, I also see the other side of the story. His response "I need to read that"! - Well, here it goes.
As E.Bull stated, I cannot speak for ALL women - we were all created different, have endured different trials and respond to situations very differently. However, I do believe that I can speak for a portion of us.
NO woman WANTS to do it all alone and if you tell me otherwise, I will call the bullshit card on you. I don't care who you are - where you're from - how you've been raise or how much money you make ... You do not want to do it all alone. It is not the way we were designed. It is not how we were wired. Woman was created from the rib of man. Naturally, we would seek eachother's companionship (We can get into same sex situations at a later blog). I am going to take the same music route as Eno -- Destiny's Child Bills, Bills, Bills. First and foremost, this song is not ASKING a man to pay the bills... It is stating that if you (as a man) are going to be sitting around on the couch all day, driving my car and running up my phone bill then you need to be putting up some cash in exchange for the use of these things. She is NOT willing to maintain no one. She aint yo momma! This is a partnership hunnie. Give and take. HOWEVER, I do realize that the majority of the world did not receive the message and therefore took it to mean that she is asking a man to pay her bills. Ok. I get it. Let's just go with that. Then we move on to Independent Woman. Where we are now proclaiming independence and stating how we can do bad by our damn selves. You are NOT needed. Here is my theory:
Simple and sweet... We dont not like people throwing shit in our face.
I'll give you a moment to digest that.....
Men (some, not all) are real quick to snap off at the tongue about how much they do for us. "Well, I put this roof over your head. I bought you those shoes. I put food on the table. I bring home the bacon" Blah Blah Blah Bullshit Bullshit Bullshit. Even worst, these things sometimes came with a pricetag - "Well, I pay the rent here which means you gotta XYZ. WHEN I SAY SO" Telling your friends "I gotta do EVERYTHING for this bitch"! It came to a point where women were being second class citizens in thier own homes at the hands of thier men. You can only push a woman BUT so far before she starts pushing back. Proclaiming independence was the woman's way of "Pushing Back". If your sole purpose on this earth is to remind me of how much you do for me, allow me to show you the door and watch me work! I do not need a constant cloud hanging over my head, reminding me that everything I own is at the strength of YOUR blood, sweat and tears because darling, allow me to remind you that the house is clean because of me. Your dinner is made because of me. The clean clothes you are wearing? Me. I was the one who reminded you to call your mother today. Its her birthday. I plan the family trips. I make time for the things you dont have time for. I keep this family together. I keep you ontop of your doctor's appointments. I make the parent/teacher conferences. I get up every morning - just like you and make this household work and run like a muthaeffin business! I stretch every penny you give me to provide for this house. This house is never lacking and it is because I made it my duty, as a woman, to be sure of that. Your children are never hungry and your bed is never cold. But this goes unoticed - and all YOU can focus on is the dollar sign.
A woman's biggest motivator is "You can't". Tell me I can't and I'll show you I can. "You can't do anything without me". Oh really hunnie? That's how you feel?
BAM! Back in school
BAM! Bachelor's Degree
BAM! Apartment, Car, Fly bags, Hot shoes
Vacations
VIP
ALL courtesy of ME
After we set out to prove that we CAN do this thing called life on our own. We like it. You don't. All of a sudden we stuck up. We don't know how to act. We high saddity. We too damn independent. We wanna throw it in your face. We can never win with you guys!
If we sit at home birthing babies - we are bum birds with no future and at MOST a jump off
If we out there tryin to make it - We stuck up. Man haters. Fronters.
Really dude? Like seriously, get your life together.
Like I started out saying - We WANT someone to share with. We WANT companionship. Hell, we WANT someone to split the bills with! But just like you, I'm not willing to provide the food AND the table we eat it off of. This is a partnership. We are building TOGETHER here. Forgive me if I am not willing to settle for less than I deserve.
Now let's move on to the club scene. This too will be short and sweet.
Fellas. I love ya. I really do. But here's the thing - and PLEASE take heed to this --> If a woman is feelin you.. She will stick around even if you do NOT buy her a drink! (ladies, Im sorry FORGIVE ME! lol). So please cut the sob story "Ohhh she played me! She had me buy her mad drinks n dipped" Yup, that's exactly what happened. You got played booboo and I can't be mad at her lol. You allowed it!
If she ASKS you to buy her a drink - RUN! She's a bird.
When my girls n me hit the club - we pop bottles. We buy our own damn drinks. SHITT we send drinks over to any dude we find sexy! (hahahah great times with the BFF lol) We walk out the door with debit cards, credit cards, lip gloss n cash! Pow!
But seriously - if she's intersted in you, she'll stick around even if you don't immediately offer to buy her a drink (This does NOT mean that you should not buy her a drink. But feel her out first. Is she feelin you? Has she ditched an invite from her friends to stick with you? Eye contact? C'mon baby! You know these things! - Quit getting mesmerized by the short dress n high heels and use common sense! Bcuz tomm morning she do NOT look like that. Trust) But if you feelin her and she feelin you - prove to her that chivalry is not dead. Buy her a drink. Find her a seat. Compliment her shoes. Open doors and offer napkins.
Also, it doesn't hurt to know how to 1, 2 step... Don't make me do all the work. If I whine pon you make sure u whine pon me too! hahahaha follow my rhythm. Make it about the dance NOT about the body.
I think I might be done here.
Till next time folks.
Be Blessed& Be a Blessing
-Roxii
Sidenote: I am NOT putting all men and all women into ONE category. Obviously there will be people who fit the bill and people who dont. I am simply going by observation. If at any moment you took offense - I would examine that. PeaceLove&Blessings folks.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
The cycle of life is truly amazing
Hello darlings!
This morning, I had a brief conversation with my mother and on my ride to work - I started thinking (What else is new right?) It is AMAZING the way our relationships with our parents develop over the course of our lives...
Think about it...
As toddlers - we can't so much as bump into AIR and we are running to our parents "Mommy! Mommy"! Crying! I mean the world is coming to an end! Stop! Drop n Roll!!! LAWDY LAWWD TAKE ME NOW!!! (hahah I had to laugh at myself over that one lol) But its true! The world might as well stop spinning on its axis and Jesus himself might as well come down and take me with him... We got a boo-boo. You run to mommy and what does she do? Not a damn thing! She kisses is and says "All better"! And we actually believe all is well. We are smiling. The tears have dried. All is now well in the world. We may now continue breathing and jump right back into the activity that gave up the boo-boo in the first place - certain that should it happen again, mommy will be right there to heal the wound (Sound familiar in your adult life? Hmmm check yourself boo). Kindergarden - we cant WAIT to come home and tell mommy all about our day, show her the painting we made, sing her the song we learned today. "Mommy, I am helper of the week"! Our proudest moments, all shared with mommy.
As teenagers - we hide as much as we possibly can from our parents! "How was school hunnie"? "Fine". Meanwhile; we are flunking algebra, the teacher yelled at us, we missed the bus, lost our keys, our boyfriend dumped us -- for our best friend, we got cut from the team and to top it off we have this MAJOR pain in our leg that we are not quite sure what it is but it is delibitating and you are not positive but you are almost certain that you just saw Jesus himself on the bus - and yet with all of that our response to the most important question of the day is "Fine". This is where I believe that most young adults fall into the category that I like to call "Misplaced trust". This is when we start putting more (and usually ALL) of our trust into our friends, media, our environment. Everyone and everything that will not mind steering us into the PIT of hell - with no remorse. These people could care less if we live or die, eat or starve, succeed or fail - and yet, this is what we place all of our energy, time, devotion, trust and loyalty into. We spend many years trying to become our parents enemies (and many of us succeed at this). "Mom dont know shit"! "I wish she would just MIND HER DAMN BUSINESS"!! "Does she need to come to EVERY parent-teacher conference"? YEARS! I am guilty of this as well. Probably more than I care to admit. I hid EVERYTHING from my mother ... Maaaannnnnn I didnt even want her to know if I was right handed or left. Every answer was a shrug or a grunt. I just wanted to be left alone to "Make my own decisions" because I was "grown". All of her questions received the most minimal response from me. The least amount of words I could use - the better. I placed my trust, love and loyalty into ALL the wrong things - "friends", boys, being "cool", alcohol, drugs, sexual experimentation etc etc. Don't take me wrong - I don't think I was a horrible kid, but I def could have done better. My mom would tell me "Don't you hang out with that girl" "I won't mom! Sheesh!" - and what do we do? Hang out with that girl ofcourse! Only to later realize that girl stole from you, stabbed you in the back, threw you under the bus and made you cry. Mommy saw things we couldn't see for ourselves, and we were just too stupid to realize and appreciate it. I now realize that my mom wasnt trying to "kill my fun" - she simply did not want me to go through the pains she KNEW I was going to go through should I continue down that given road. Man, we are stupid at that age smh (Sorry, random thought just thrown in there) Anyhoo - for the most part, that is how it goes down.
As adults - we can't make a single damn decision without consulting mom! "Mom! Red or Blue!?!? Up or Down?? Left or Right?? What do you think of him?? Should I take that job?? WHAT SHOULD I DO WOMAN?!?!?" I mean NOTHING gets done without moms stamp of approval. This is the age where we begin to "Come back home" so to speak. We have experience the pain and the hurt of the real world. The highs and the lows - and for many of us the only true constant has been our parents. My, how things change. It just goes to show how truly unconditional the love of a mother truly is. After all that shit you put her through during your pubescent years - she is still there for you. Rooting for you. Feeling your pains. Basking in your joys. Helping you up when you fall down. And keeping your feet on the ground when you are feeling yourself a lil too much. Making you chicken soup when you're not feeling too well. There to answer your call when you call and ask for that steak recipe. Giving you that extra push when you are feeling lazy and buying you vitamins when you are pushing yourself too hard. Always ready with a listening ear or a smart come back. The only one who truly keeps your secrets. Point is - when she should have given up on your ass, when you seemed like a lost cause, when everyone else gave you thier back - she didnt and she is still there to this day, giving you the shirt off her back if needed. Damn. Are you going through the emotional highs n lows with me right now? Because - I'm damn sure going through it smh. I was talking to my mom this morning and telling her of another love lost. Another one. She looked me in the eyes and said "Baby, que se va ser? (What can be done?) You are beautiful and your time will come. He's going to regret his decision." She said a prayer for me. Told me to be strong, trust God and the plan he has for me - believe that it is a great one and then proceeded to ask me if I wanted breakfast lol. Man, I love that woman. In that brief exchange - I was reminded that I am my mother's daughter and I have strength unmatched to none. I truly am stronger than I think. Who would have thought that the same young girl who hid EVERYTHING from her mother would now be sharing stories of life, love and sorrows? I remember watching tv in the living room a few years ago - simple enough right? My mom walks in from a long day or work, I know she's tired and she would much rather go straight to bed but before speaking any words at all she asks "Que te pasa? (Whats wrong with you?)" and I looked at her and proceeded to cry like a baby!!! She sat next to me for hours and I curled up next to her and laid my head on her lap and bared my soul. I had never felt so good before in my life. Im not quite sure if as teenagers we are afraid our mothers are going to judge us and that is why we decide to not share with them - but as an adult, you realize that your mother is not there to judge you but rather guide you. My mother has NEVER told me "You are making a bad decision". She has always let me spread my own wings, pick my own path and sink or swim. But whatever the result, she has always been there along the way - and meeting me at the finish line.
Do you get where I'm coming from?
How amazing it is to realize how the cylce of life takes you all around the world only to bring you right back to where you started, but this time in a better mind frame - you are now smarter, wiser, older and recognize wrong from right in a more mature manner. I am starting to see this more and more in our daily lives. We sometimes leave a good situation (romantic or not) for various reasons: you believe there is better our there, stubborn, infidelity, monetary reasons etc etc, and I am now finding that life (in its own quirky way) brings you right back to where you started. It is almost as if it wants you to right an old wrong. Not many people get this second chance folks, so if it presents itself to you, TAKE IT! Swallow your pride, admit you were wrong, ask for forgiveness, right that wrong and move on with life. Take it from me - I dont think there is a much better feeling in this world. Pride will have you sleeping in bed alone (or with the wrong persons) with a million "Shoulda woula coulda's" running through your mind. That is no way to live. Embrace your mistakes - they are the very essence of YOU!
If you are fortunate enough to still have your mother around - kiss her.
Count your blessings.
Praise God EVERY DAY that she is still in your life and remind her that without her you would be nothing. Let her know that you strive to one day be half the woman she is. Buy her flowers. Treat her to dinner. Your mother is remarkable and you tell her I said so.
If your relationship with her is estranged... Seek her - Hold her and cry with her. Break down those barriers that are holding you back from being happy together. You ony have ONE mother in this world. There are no do-overs. When she is gone, she is gone and I pray to God that you realize that before it is too late.
I gave my mother HEADACHES boy! I couldn't even BEGIN to explain how many.. But she never gave up on me. Even when I had already given up on myself. I would not trade that for the world.
Be blessed & Be a blessing folks
-Roxii <3
Art by Frank Morrison
This morning, I had a brief conversation with my mother and on my ride to work - I started thinking (What else is new right?) It is AMAZING the way our relationships with our parents develop over the course of our lives...
Think about it...
As toddlers - we can't so much as bump into AIR and we are running to our parents "Mommy! Mommy"! Crying! I mean the world is coming to an end! Stop! Drop n Roll!!! LAWDY LAWWD TAKE ME NOW!!! (hahah I had to laugh at myself over that one lol) But its true! The world might as well stop spinning on its axis and Jesus himself might as well come down and take me with him... We got a boo-boo. You run to mommy and what does she do? Not a damn thing! She kisses is and says "All better"! And we actually believe all is well. We are smiling. The tears have dried. All is now well in the world. We may now continue breathing and jump right back into the activity that gave up the boo-boo in the first place - certain that should it happen again, mommy will be right there to heal the wound (Sound familiar in your adult life? Hmmm check yourself boo). Kindergarden - we cant WAIT to come home and tell mommy all about our day, show her the painting we made, sing her the song we learned today. "Mommy, I am helper of the week"! Our proudest moments, all shared with mommy.
As teenagers - we hide as much as we possibly can from our parents! "How was school hunnie"? "Fine". Meanwhile; we are flunking algebra, the teacher yelled at us, we missed the bus, lost our keys, our boyfriend dumped us -- for our best friend, we got cut from the team and to top it off we have this MAJOR pain in our leg that we are not quite sure what it is but it is delibitating and you are not positive but you are almost certain that you just saw Jesus himself on the bus - and yet with all of that our response to the most important question of the day is "Fine". This is where I believe that most young adults fall into the category that I like to call "Misplaced trust". This is when we start putting more (and usually ALL) of our trust into our friends, media, our environment. Everyone and everything that will not mind steering us into the PIT of hell - with no remorse. These people could care less if we live or die, eat or starve, succeed or fail - and yet, this is what we place all of our energy, time, devotion, trust and loyalty into. We spend many years trying to become our parents enemies (and many of us succeed at this). "Mom dont know shit"! "I wish she would just MIND HER DAMN BUSINESS"!! "Does she need to come to EVERY parent-teacher conference"? YEARS! I am guilty of this as well. Probably more than I care to admit. I hid EVERYTHING from my mother ... Maaaannnnnn I didnt even want her to know if I was right handed or left. Every answer was a shrug or a grunt. I just wanted to be left alone to "Make my own decisions" because I was "grown". All of her questions received the most minimal response from me. The least amount of words I could use - the better. I placed my trust, love and loyalty into ALL the wrong things - "friends", boys, being "cool", alcohol, drugs, sexual experimentation etc etc. Don't take me wrong - I don't think I was a horrible kid, but I def could have done better. My mom would tell me "Don't you hang out with that girl" "I won't mom! Sheesh!" - and what do we do? Hang out with that girl ofcourse! Only to later realize that girl stole from you, stabbed you in the back, threw you under the bus and made you cry. Mommy saw things we couldn't see for ourselves, and we were just too stupid to realize and appreciate it. I now realize that my mom wasnt trying to "kill my fun" - she simply did not want me to go through the pains she KNEW I was going to go through should I continue down that given road. Man, we are stupid at that age smh (Sorry, random thought just thrown in there) Anyhoo - for the most part, that is how it goes down.
As adults - we can't make a single damn decision without consulting mom! "Mom! Red or Blue!?!? Up or Down?? Left or Right?? What do you think of him?? Should I take that job?? WHAT SHOULD I DO WOMAN?!?!?" I mean NOTHING gets done without moms stamp of approval. This is the age where we begin to "Come back home" so to speak. We have experience the pain and the hurt of the real world. The highs and the lows - and for many of us the only true constant has been our parents. My, how things change. It just goes to show how truly unconditional the love of a mother truly is. After all that shit you put her through during your pubescent years - she is still there for you. Rooting for you. Feeling your pains. Basking in your joys. Helping you up when you fall down. And keeping your feet on the ground when you are feeling yourself a lil too much. Making you chicken soup when you're not feeling too well. There to answer your call when you call and ask for that steak recipe. Giving you that extra push when you are feeling lazy and buying you vitamins when you are pushing yourself too hard. Always ready with a listening ear or a smart come back. The only one who truly keeps your secrets. Point is - when she should have given up on your ass, when you seemed like a lost cause, when everyone else gave you thier back - she didnt and she is still there to this day, giving you the shirt off her back if needed. Damn. Are you going through the emotional highs n lows with me right now? Because - I'm damn sure going through it smh. I was talking to my mom this morning and telling her of another love lost. Another one. She looked me in the eyes and said "Baby, que se va ser? (What can be done?) You are beautiful and your time will come. He's going to regret his decision." She said a prayer for me. Told me to be strong, trust God and the plan he has for me - believe that it is a great one and then proceeded to ask me if I wanted breakfast lol. Man, I love that woman. In that brief exchange - I was reminded that I am my mother's daughter and I have strength unmatched to none. I truly am stronger than I think. Who would have thought that the same young girl who hid EVERYTHING from her mother would now be sharing stories of life, love and sorrows? I remember watching tv in the living room a few years ago - simple enough right? My mom walks in from a long day or work, I know she's tired and she would much rather go straight to bed but before speaking any words at all she asks "Que te pasa? (Whats wrong with you?)" and I looked at her and proceeded to cry like a baby!!! She sat next to me for hours and I curled up next to her and laid my head on her lap and bared my soul. I had never felt so good before in my life. Im not quite sure if as teenagers we are afraid our mothers are going to judge us and that is why we decide to not share with them - but as an adult, you realize that your mother is not there to judge you but rather guide you. My mother has NEVER told me "You are making a bad decision". She has always let me spread my own wings, pick my own path and sink or swim. But whatever the result, she has always been there along the way - and meeting me at the finish line.
Do you get where I'm coming from?
How amazing it is to realize how the cylce of life takes you all around the world only to bring you right back to where you started, but this time in a better mind frame - you are now smarter, wiser, older and recognize wrong from right in a more mature manner. I am starting to see this more and more in our daily lives. We sometimes leave a good situation (romantic or not) for various reasons: you believe there is better our there, stubborn, infidelity, monetary reasons etc etc, and I am now finding that life (in its own quirky way) brings you right back to where you started. It is almost as if it wants you to right an old wrong. Not many people get this second chance folks, so if it presents itself to you, TAKE IT! Swallow your pride, admit you were wrong, ask for forgiveness, right that wrong and move on with life. Take it from me - I dont think there is a much better feeling in this world. Pride will have you sleeping in bed alone (or with the wrong persons) with a million "Shoulda woula coulda's" running through your mind. That is no way to live. Embrace your mistakes - they are the very essence of YOU!
If you are fortunate enough to still have your mother around - kiss her.
Count your blessings.
Praise God EVERY DAY that she is still in your life and remind her that without her you would be nothing. Let her know that you strive to one day be half the woman she is. Buy her flowers. Treat her to dinner. Your mother is remarkable and you tell her I said so.
If your relationship with her is estranged... Seek her - Hold her and cry with her. Break down those barriers that are holding you back from being happy together. You ony have ONE mother in this world. There are no do-overs. When she is gone, she is gone and I pray to God that you realize that before it is too late.
I gave my mother HEADACHES boy! I couldn't even BEGIN to explain how many.. But she never gave up on me. Even when I had already given up on myself. I would not trade that for the world.
My mom rocks - and yours does too <3
Be blessed & Be a blessing folks
-Roxii <3
Art by Frank Morrison
Monday, September 26, 2011
Let me get this straight.....
Why hello there darlings! Thanks a mil for stopping by =)
So, just a few days ago, I was having dinner with a really good friend of mine (who shall remain nameless to protect his ignorance *ahem*). Anyhoo - a little background on this friend of mine:
*Single (As in, not tied down - DEF dating)
*No children (As in, no children lol)
*College Grad (Currently in Grad School - go boo!)
*Attractive (Tall, dark n handsome type)
*Great job (Banking Industry)
*Lives alone (Self Explanatory)
*Nice car (Won't go there)
*Treats his momma well (IDK about you - but this is a VERY important detail to me - ladies take note on how he treats his momma - it will tell you volumes more than what we could EVER speak with words. Trust.)
*Grew up on the block (In other words - nothing fancy, no silver spoon in his mouth)
So we are in our fave Thai spot - and somewhere in the conversation the topic of his many sexual adventures come up (SMH).
Then ... The sentence that damn near brought the restaurant down...
"Well, if anything, I'll just tell her to go get a morning after pill and I wanna be there to make sure she takes it"
WHHHAAATTTTT???!!!!!!
Ooo no baby boy - we gotta talk about this.... And here is my take on this:
First and foremost let me state that I am 100% AGAINST the morning after pill. The fact that you can be 17 years young, no parental consent, no medical prescription necessary to obtain this pill is disgusting to me. What message are we sending these kids?! That having unprotected sex is OK because at the end of the day - there is always a pill you could take to prevent pregnancies? Ummm ok. Well, how about AIDS? HIV? Herpes? Or one of the other 50+ STDS lurking out there???! Let me tell you something, if you feed kids a message - guess what, they will receive it! And I don't care how many grown women are featured in the PLAN B commercial - that shit was created, developed and marketed toward the youth - I would love for someone to prove me wrong. All of the advertising's for these pills are where? TV, Subways, Bus Stops (SCHOOL Bus Stops at that) High School HEALTH CLASSES??? (Uhh yea, I saw it there), Planned Parenthood, Pharmacies ALL emphasizing the fact that neither parental consent or medical prescription are not necessary smh. Who spends most of their time in these places? Grown women or young adults? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say --> Young adults. Who would NOT need parental consent? Or be less likely to make a doctors visit concerning a pregnancy? Again, I will go with young adults. Need I continue??
*Just a lil FYI*
10 years ago -Yes, TEN years ago - there was an infected rate of 340 MILLION people with a CURABLE STD worldwide. Curable meaning, it could be treated with antibiotics and the effects would be minimal. Of these 340 million - a mere 108 million were adults. Getting the picture yet?? This means that 232 young people (Under the age of 21) have been infected with some sort of STD worldwide. Sad.
*A little more FYI*
PLAN B effects
*Irregular menstruation
*Abdominal pains
*Infertility
*Breast Disorders
*Nervous System Disorders
*Cysts
*Gastrointestinal Disorders
*DID I MENTION INFERTILITY???
*Reproductive Disorders
*Ectopic pregnancies
*Miscarriages
And the list goes on... Obviously many of these things are with continuous use but some are with ONE use. Also, keep in mind this pill is fairly new - and therefore long term effects will not be available for quiet a number of years to come. But think about it, if they are able to tell you THIS many side effects from a pill that is still considered a "baby" in the medical world - can you just IMAGINE the types of confirmed effects they will have in the future? SMH
SO THERE IS YOUR LITTLE MEDICAL HISTORY (I told you - Pull Up A Seat baby... we finna learn in here! hahahah)
Now, Just in case you forgot - this is the sentence we are focusing on "Well, if anything, I'll just tell her to go get a morning after pill and I wanna be there to make sure she takes it" - so now, back to my rant:
I didn't even know where to BEGIN explaining why this sentence was so wrong. Couldn't even begin to let you know on how many levels this sentence turned my stomach.
First off, YOU ARE AN ADULT, you have a brain, you know right from wrong, up from down, left from right. You posses logic and intelligence - if all else fails you have a damn computer! GOOGLE IT! If you are "grown" enough to engage in sexual activities, then you have enough brain power to asses and understand the risks that come with said activities. In the same sense, you should be wise enough to know the ways to PROTECT yourself when you make the choice to engage in sexual activities. I don't buy that, heat of the moment crap! You know damn well what you are doing when you are doing it. You know the risks. And if 30 seconds of him reaching over to strap on a condom will "Kill the mood" - then guess what? He aint doing something right honey. I'm just saying. I just cannot wrap my brain around it! You would much rather introduce all of these unknown chemicals WITH KNOWN sideffects into your (your woman's) body as opposed to putting on a thin layer of latex in which the BOTH of you can/will benefit from. Really? And that makes sense to you huh?? 0_o
Ladies, Gentlemen - Plan B is NOT a form of contraception. You can't pop the pills like they are candy - and if you are, I would honestly suggest taking a moment to examine yourself, your life and your values - cuz something aint right.
Ladies, if your man tells you "Its ok, if anything you can just get a morning after pill tomorrow" LEAVE HIS ASS! He does not value you as a woman, a friend, partner or PERSON! He is not concerned with your well being at all. His only concern is not giving you any babies - and why be with someone who would not be ecstatic to have you birth his children?? Even more, he does not respect himself. If his "physical pleasure" is more important than protecting his "physical health" there is a problem - and guess what You aint the only one! LEAVE HIS ASS!! Let me say that again - LADIES! LEAVE HIS ASS! *stomps feet for emphasis* That is a toxic relationship that will NEVER end well. You cannot live and grow with a man who is WILLING to rob you of the very essence that makes you a woman. Nope. No sir. Not happening. As we say in spanish "Ese es poco hombre"! And not worthy of your time, love and most definitely not worth of your most intimate and vulnerable moments. Close up shop and chuck up the dueces.
Gentlemen, I will say the same for you - If your woman tells you "Its ok, I'll just get a morning after pill tomorrow" LEAVE HER ASS!!!! I know many of you instantaneously begin to think "SCORE"! But no. I'm gonna need you to put on your big boy pants and think this through with me - Do you really think this is her first time? SHE suggested it. SHE thought it up. SHE thought it ok to share this information with you. SHE has done this before. SHE is not the kind of girl you want to bring home to momma. Trust me. Any woman willing to introduce foreign bodies into her body for the sake of avoiding a pregnancy is not valued enough to be given the title "Woman". You want someone that is responsible (right along side you) enough to know "You know what, this is not the time - Im not ready, You're not ready - Let's wrap it up". You do not need something (pregnancy or disease) tying the two of you together for eternity and you barely even know/like eachother.
I say all of this to say the following:
Ladies, gentlemen - Boys, girls
I could care less WHO you lay down with. I could care less how often you drop your pants. I could care less if you wanna strip butt naked with your partner and do it all up n down Saint Patricks Church. LIVE IT UP! - what I DO care about is you wrapping it up. Being responsible. Taking control of your life and your body. Having a say-so in your future. Allowing yourself a life that you PLAN not one that is THROWN UPON YOU due to "Circumstances". I do care about you getting tested. I do care about you being safe. Those are the things I care about. And I care about a man imposing "solutions" upon a woman that would be hazardous to her health - without doing the proper research. As they say: a few moments of pleasure, a lifetime of pain.
Do not feed me shit on a platter if you're not willing to take the first bite - and that's all I gotta say.
Hope you enjoyed reading my first blog as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Be Blessed & Be a Blessing
-Roxii <3
So, just a few days ago, I was having dinner with a really good friend of mine (who shall remain nameless to protect his ignorance *ahem*). Anyhoo - a little background on this friend of mine:
*Single (As in, not tied down - DEF dating)
*No children (As in, no children lol)
*College Grad (Currently in Grad School - go boo!)
*Attractive (Tall, dark n handsome type)
*Great job (Banking Industry)
*Lives alone (Self Explanatory)
*Nice car (Won't go there)
*Treats his momma well (IDK about you - but this is a VERY important detail to me - ladies take note on how he treats his momma - it will tell you volumes more than what we could EVER speak with words. Trust.)
*Grew up on the block (In other words - nothing fancy, no silver spoon in his mouth)
So we are in our fave Thai spot - and somewhere in the conversation the topic of his many sexual adventures come up (SMH).
Then ... The sentence that damn near brought the restaurant down...
"Well, if anything, I'll just tell her to go get a morning after pill and I wanna be there to make sure she takes it"
WHHHAAATTTTT???!!!!!!
Ooo no baby boy - we gotta talk about this.... And here is my take on this:
First and foremost let me state that I am 100% AGAINST the morning after pill. The fact that you can be 17 years young, no parental consent, no medical prescription necessary to obtain this pill is disgusting to me. What message are we sending these kids?! That having unprotected sex is OK because at the end of the day - there is always a pill you could take to prevent pregnancies? Ummm ok. Well, how about AIDS? HIV? Herpes? Or one of the other 50+ STDS lurking out there???! Let me tell you something, if you feed kids a message - guess what, they will receive it! And I don't care how many grown women are featured in the PLAN B commercial - that shit was created, developed and marketed toward the youth - I would love for someone to prove me wrong. All of the advertising's for these pills are where? TV, Subways, Bus Stops (SCHOOL Bus Stops at that) High School HEALTH CLASSES??? (Uhh yea, I saw it there), Planned Parenthood, Pharmacies ALL emphasizing the fact that neither parental consent or medical prescription are not necessary smh. Who spends most of their time in these places? Grown women or young adults? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say --> Young adults. Who would NOT need parental consent? Or be less likely to make a doctors visit concerning a pregnancy? Again, I will go with young adults. Need I continue??
*Just a lil FYI*
10 years ago -Yes, TEN years ago - there was an infected rate of 340 MILLION people with a CURABLE STD worldwide. Curable meaning, it could be treated with antibiotics and the effects would be minimal. Of these 340 million - a mere 108 million were adults. Getting the picture yet?? This means that 232 young people (Under the age of 21) have been infected with some sort of STD worldwide. Sad.
*A little more FYI*
PLAN B effects
*Irregular menstruation
*Abdominal pains
*Infertility
*Breast Disorders
*Nervous System Disorders
*Cysts
*Gastrointestinal Disorders
*DID I MENTION INFERTILITY???
*Reproductive Disorders
*Ectopic pregnancies
*Miscarriages
And the list goes on... Obviously many of these things are with continuous use but some are with ONE use. Also, keep in mind this pill is fairly new - and therefore long term effects will not be available for quiet a number of years to come. But think about it, if they are able to tell you THIS many side effects from a pill that is still considered a "baby" in the medical world - can you just IMAGINE the types of confirmed effects they will have in the future? SMH
SO THERE IS YOUR LITTLE MEDICAL HISTORY (I told you - Pull Up A Seat baby... we finna learn in here! hahahah)
Now, Just in case you forgot - this is the sentence we are focusing on "Well, if anything, I'll just tell her to go get a morning after pill and I wanna be there to make sure she takes it" - so now, back to my rant:
I didn't even know where to BEGIN explaining why this sentence was so wrong. Couldn't even begin to let you know on how many levels this sentence turned my stomach.
First off, YOU ARE AN ADULT, you have a brain, you know right from wrong, up from down, left from right. You posses logic and intelligence - if all else fails you have a damn computer! GOOGLE IT! If you are "grown" enough to engage in sexual activities, then you have enough brain power to asses and understand the risks that come with said activities. In the same sense, you should be wise enough to know the ways to PROTECT yourself when you make the choice to engage in sexual activities. I don't buy that, heat of the moment crap! You know damn well what you are doing when you are doing it. You know the risks. And if 30 seconds of him reaching over to strap on a condom will "Kill the mood" - then guess what? He aint doing something right honey. I'm just saying. I just cannot wrap my brain around it! You would much rather introduce all of these unknown chemicals WITH KNOWN sideffects into your (your woman's) body as opposed to putting on a thin layer of latex in which the BOTH of you can/will benefit from. Really? And that makes sense to you huh?? 0_o
Ladies, Gentlemen - Plan B is NOT a form of contraception. You can't pop the pills like they are candy - and if you are, I would honestly suggest taking a moment to examine yourself, your life and your values - cuz something aint right.
Ladies, if your man tells you "Its ok, if anything you can just get a morning after pill tomorrow" LEAVE HIS ASS! He does not value you as a woman, a friend, partner or PERSON! He is not concerned with your well being at all. His only concern is not giving you any babies - and why be with someone who would not be ecstatic to have you birth his children?? Even more, he does not respect himself. If his "physical pleasure" is more important than protecting his "physical health" there is a problem - and guess what You aint the only one! LEAVE HIS ASS!! Let me say that again - LADIES! LEAVE HIS ASS! *stomps feet for emphasis* That is a toxic relationship that will NEVER end well. You cannot live and grow with a man who is WILLING to rob you of the very essence that makes you a woman. Nope. No sir. Not happening. As we say in spanish "Ese es poco hombre"! And not worthy of your time, love and most definitely not worth of your most intimate and vulnerable moments. Close up shop and chuck up the dueces.
Gentlemen, I will say the same for you - If your woman tells you "Its ok, I'll just get a morning after pill tomorrow" LEAVE HER ASS!!!! I know many of you instantaneously begin to think "SCORE"! But no. I'm gonna need you to put on your big boy pants and think this through with me - Do you really think this is her first time? SHE suggested it. SHE thought it up. SHE thought it ok to share this information with you. SHE has done this before. SHE is not the kind of girl you want to bring home to momma. Trust me. Any woman willing to introduce foreign bodies into her body for the sake of avoiding a pregnancy is not valued enough to be given the title "Woman". You want someone that is responsible (right along side you) enough to know "You know what, this is not the time - Im not ready, You're not ready - Let's wrap it up". You do not need something (pregnancy or disease) tying the two of you together for eternity and you barely even know/like eachother.
I say all of this to say the following:
Ladies, gentlemen - Boys, girls
I could care less WHO you lay down with. I could care less how often you drop your pants. I could care less if you wanna strip butt naked with your partner and do it all up n down Saint Patricks Church. LIVE IT UP! - what I DO care about is you wrapping it up. Being responsible. Taking control of your life and your body. Having a say-so in your future. Allowing yourself a life that you PLAN not one that is THROWN UPON YOU due to "Circumstances". I do care about you getting tested. I do care about you being safe. Those are the things I care about. And I care about a man imposing "solutions" upon a woman that would be hazardous to her health - without doing the proper research. As they say: a few moments of pleasure, a lifetime of pain.
Do not feed me shit on a platter if you're not willing to take the first bite - and that's all I gotta say.
Hope you enjoyed reading my first blog as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Be Blessed & Be a Blessing
-Roxii <3
Friday, September 23, 2011
So this is blogging .... Hmmmm
Greetings Ladies n Gents!!!
I've heard many a times, "Roxanna, you should have a blog"! I'm like "Uhhh Why"?
But if you know me from Facebook - you know about my rants .. They are usually random, sporadic, to the point and brief - even so, I like to think, they are packed with a powerful message (Mainly geared to this generations younger, black women). Off of those 160 characters, people have decided that they would like to hear more - and who am I to deny the people? Hahahaha
My approach is honest. To the core and raw. You may not like some of the things I will have to say, but I promise you will respect them and I urge you to PLEASE interact with me! If I am wrong, let me know! State your peace. This is how we can all learn and grow. Just don't bring no nonsense to my page pls... You will get shut down. You have been warned. I am an advocate for womens right and I LOVE being AFRO-LATINA. It saddens me to see the direction our young black community is taking and I shed tears every day for those we lost and pray every night for those who are still here but cannot seem to find the way. Can you see where the majority of my blog posts will be going??!
Like it. Love it. Leave it alone. The choice is yours... But you will always learn something - so Pull Up A Seat Baby, we finna be here for a while...
ENJOY!!!
-Roxii<3
I've heard many a times, "Roxanna, you should have a blog"! I'm like "Uhhh Why"?
But if you know me from Facebook - you know about my rants .. They are usually random, sporadic, to the point and brief - even so, I like to think, they are packed with a powerful message (Mainly geared to this generations younger, black women). Off of those 160 characters, people have decided that they would like to hear more - and who am I to deny the people? Hahahaha
My approach is honest. To the core and raw. You may not like some of the things I will have to say, but I promise you will respect them and I urge you to PLEASE interact with me! If I am wrong, let me know! State your peace. This is how we can all learn and grow. Just don't bring no nonsense to my page pls... You will get shut down. You have been warned. I am an advocate for womens right and I LOVE being AFRO-LATINA. It saddens me to see the direction our young black community is taking and I shed tears every day for those we lost and pray every night for those who are still here but cannot seem to find the way. Can you see where the majority of my blog posts will be going??!
Like it. Love it. Leave it alone. The choice is yours... But you will always learn something - so Pull Up A Seat Baby, we finna be here for a while...
ENJOY!!!
-Roxii<3
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